1. Procrastinate! Why bother packing today when you can put it off until tomorrow! Or, in our case, until the day of the move! Easily accomplished; just make sad, tired eyes at your Manfriend and remind him what an eventful and exhausting weekend you had traveling to and from freaking Texas and that if he lets you go to bed early tonight you’ll be totally ready to pack tomorrow. This argument can easily be used 2-3 nights in a row. Maybe even more.
2. Be optimistic! Take four days off from work to make the move. Then tell yourself how great it will be when you get everything finished in one day and still have three more to relax! This will not fail to make you feel utterly foolish and defeated when you spend the entire four days moving.
3. Enlist help! Like your annoying little brother! Because even though you’re paying him $10/hour, he’ll still drag his feet and complain every change he gets. And it. Is. Awesome! (Annoying little sisters will also work.)
4. Fight! One good fight in which you cause a scene and someone cries is a necessary part of any successful move. It will also ensure that the 45-minute drive to your new home is silent and uncomfortable while both parties stew. Fun!
5. Fall down the stairs! All you need is hard wood floors and slippery socks, the perfect combination to send you sailing! The key here, of course, is to not break anything, but to fall in such a way that you hit your head and bruise various parts of your body. Because who doesn’t love a good bruise or two? Great for garnering sympathy and attention!
6. Cry! Yes, again! You might think that twice in one night is overkill, but trust me, it’s not. This can be combined with No. 5 above (just a little tip from me to you), or accomplished on its own at the end of the day when your body is exhausted, in pain, and you’re just had enough.
Follow these 6 easy steps and you, too, can have a successfully miserable move! You’re welcome!
Chocolate + Whine 