Five. Blame the book blog.

1. You know how sometimes I’ll disappear for a few weeks and when I come back there’s a totally new appearance to this place? (I don’t really expect you to know what I’m talking about, but trust me on this one.) My friend Zuyen (a.k.a. “Z”) and I have been putting all of our efforts towards the new blog and that’s where I’ve been. Of course, “all of our efforts” is a bit misleading. More like, some of our effort has been put towards the new blog when we can find the time to get together and talk about it.

2. Starting a blog with someone is tricky. Before Stephanie Harsh (and The Vamp Tramp and Chocolate and Whine) I started a blog with my two sisters and our mother. All I can say is, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, I’m a bit of a, um, how should I say it…? Control freak. (I hide it pretty good though, right?) I had high hopes for that blog of ours… but then they started using smiley faces (oh, the horror!) in their blog posts which totally gave me hives and, eventually, I couldn’t take it. I don’t know what makes me think I can suddenly give up the control it takes to start a new blog with Z, but I told her about my aversion to smiley faces and abbreviations like “LOL,” so I’m crossing my fingers.

3. So, remember that whole I’m-getting-fatter-everyday-and-I-need-to-lose-weight thing I was telling you about? Yeah. Not going so well. My motivation comes and goes. I wish it came more often. Also, I wish I knew the triggers. My birthday is coming up and, for fuck’s sake, I’d like to look good. Or, at least better. Thinking about that has kept my unhealthy snacking habit to an all-time low. That and an e-mail I received from a friend who lectured me about not covering up. Which is totally what I was doing. (Sweatshirts. I admit it.) So, I went and bought a couple of new tops, sleeveless ones (despite the problematic underarm jiggly bits) and new earrings (I love earrings) and it’s amazing how getting all dolled up can totally change your way of thinking.

4. Speaking of books. Books are still taking up way too much of my time. Which might prove to be both good and bad for the new blog. On the one hand, lots of books means a lot to talk about. On the other hand, I worry that I won’t stop reading long enough to write anything. Quite the conundrum, that. Which is really not a conundrum at all. Life is good, peeps. Sometimes I’m surprised at just how much.

5. I know, I know… no one wants to hear about other people’s dreams. But get this. The other night I had a dream that my husband and I got back together. And in my dream I totally freaked out. I was all what have I done and this is a huge mistake. And then I went to church and bought this gigantic bible. Like, it was so big I could barely carry it. And I had to lug it up this hill that was so steep I had to pull myself along with a rope or risk falling to my death. Like, I was freaking climbing! And carrying this ginormous bible! Then I woke up. And in those first few minutes between dream and reality, I kept thinking I do not want to get back together. There’s still a lot of guilt, and there’s a part of me that hates myself for admitting that I don’t want to be married to my husband (that seems so awful)… but more and more I realize the rightness of the decision.

Not sure exactly what the huge bible had to do with anything, but I felt the dream lacked a bit of excitement if I left that part out. You’re welcome.

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8 Responses to Five. Blame the book blog.

  1. rory says:

    Dudette!!
    Welcome back.
    I don’t know if I could EVER blog with anyone else. It’s waaaay to personal and control freaky and speaking of blogs- where is your new blog?
    Or is it still a secret?

    • Stephanie Harsh says:

      Tomorrow’s the big day. That’s when we’re taking the damn thing public. God, I hope this isn’t one of those things I start and never finish. Anyway, it’s pretty girly… which is funny since neither Z nor I are very girly at all. And we’ve titled it Books Before Boys. (Hopefully this won’t scare the boys away too bad.)

  2. Debbie W says:

    I couldn’t help but think as I read the last line how far things have come since you first left the husband…during a time when I bet you never thought you would be saying it was the right thing to do. Time…let a little of it go by and amazing things happen.

    I’m with Rory…when is the unveiling for the new blog??

    • Stephanie Harsh says:

      Tomorrow! It’s all very scary and exciting.

      Seriously, when people were telling me a year ago that in a year I’d feel much differently, I would have laughed in their face. Except I was too depressed to laugh. The saying “time heals all wounds” makes me want to hit someone, but it’s true. Crazy.

  3. Debbie W says:

    Actually…I meant to say when I read the last paragraph, not line.

  4. Christine says:

    Bwahahahahh…. You are going to do a blog with another person?? Are you planning on still being friends with this person after?? I am truly concerned for you in this moment…

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