Oh, peeps, we’re gonna have a field day with this one.
So, my mother and her husband are republicans. Also, conspiracy theorists. Well, they swear they’re not, but… they are. I zone out whenever one of them begins a conversation with “you want to know what I read online today?” or “I saw this video on YouTube…” because I know what’s coming. Obama! Democrats! The government! Scary!
According to my mother, we are one crisis away from a total economic breakdown. And food riots. This is why they’re hoarding rice and tuna in the attic. And on their boat. Which they fully intend to sail around on like freaking Noah when the whole world goes kaput. ‘Cause that’ll save ’em. (How do you escape the END OF THE WORLD?)
The other thing I should tell you about my mom is that she’s forgetful. Terribly so. Which means, I’ve gotten sucked into her theories not just once, but many times since she can never remember that she’s already told me. (Sometimes it’s painful listening to the same stories over and over again.) (And, by “sometimes,” I mean always.)
A lot of people have theories on the end of the world. Many expect it within the next couple of years. To this I say: blah, blah, blah. I just want to live my life. I want to be happy again. I want to flirt with a cute boy and have a first kiss. I want to have a home and a dog and several kitties and a turtle. And, I dunno, a kid. Maybe. Someday.
If I start buying into the whole Nostradamus-2012-Mayan-calendar-world-is-ending thing, then I might as well go back to my husband now. I mean, might as well spend the next two years with someone I love, right? And not, oh, I dunno, in my mother’s house. Listening to her go on and on about what Obama’s done now. And her estimates on how long 200 pounds of food will last.
(Not that I don’t love my mother. I do. But.)
But when she starts talking END OF THE WORLD, I start thinking “what if” and feel that tiny seed of fear begin to root itself in the pit of my stomach and that nagging desire to just go home, to my husband. Because END OF THE WORLD! SCARY!
Okay, go ahead and call me crazy. But my mom started it. So, ahem… your thoughts?
By the way, my mother just ended a phone conversation with, “Let’s get together soon. It’d be nice to see you before the whole world goes into the toilet.” I’m not kidding.