Expect to miss him.

I realize that what might feel like forever has, in reality, only been a few days, but I’m not sure I can handle this feeling of loss much longer. It’s raining here in southern California and it’s supposed to continue through the week. My feet are cold, my ankles damp, and my hair is frizzy. I had to stop by The Husband’s apartment to pick up mail and a package that came for me (a package that I, a complete imbecile, picked out with him in mind) and as I make the drive back home,  I can’t help but think of what should be. I should be home with my husband. I should be dry and warm. We should have the TV on, a fire going. The cat should be stretched out lazily across my lap. I should be reading a good book while, next to me, The Husband plays online poker and flips from one awful movie to another. We should be happy. We should be together. A friend told me a while ago, “You’re going to miss him. You need to expect that.” But how do you know when missing someone is simply just that… or is something more, something that closely resembles this is a huge mistake?

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4 Responses to Expect to miss him.

  1. Debbie W says:

    As lame as this may sound, you have to listen to what your inner voice is telling you. What “should be” sounds wonderful ~ but is that how it “would be”? Sometimes we tend to remember only the good when we are apart from someone. I would often imagine how it “should be” when I was first separated…I wanted that “should be” so much but I knew deep down that wasn't how it was going to be so I gave myself permission to have a pity party for a little bit…then I put on my big girl panties and moved forward. Believe it or not ~ you know the answer to your question….you just have to listen.

  2. Violet says:

    When I got divorced, I remember thinking that it would have been easier to handle it if my now-ex-husband had died rather than divorcing me because his death would have been final. There would be no possibility of getting back together or even of running into him at the grocery store. It it SO HARD to miss someone and to wish for what might/should/could be. It seems to me that you have spent a lot of time *almost* separated from The Husband. How long have you gone without any contact at all? Just living in separate places but still seeing each other and maintaining a relationship isn't real separation. At this point, I think you need real time and space to figure out what is right for you. Your heart will keep getting in the way as long as you keep feeding it with conversations and visits and the hope that they naturally generate. (And, uh…do as I say, not as I do, mmm-k?) You haven't been able to distance yourself enough to get past the acute missing him part. It's a very difficult thing you are doing and it's very hard to keep choosing to do the difficult thing when the seemingly easy thing is the thing you want. But, as Debbie said, you know deep down that the hard thing is the right thing.

  3. rory says:

    I'm no expert on this or anything, actually, but I think you might loads happier if you just realize it ain't a happenin' thing and MOVE ON.Hang out, hook up, have fun. Kick him to the curb.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Rory, you're a tool. I think you need to know both sides of the situation before you can make a comment like that. Just saying.

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