I swear I haven’t intentionally stayed away. I’ve sat down countless times and stared at this little white text box hoping something other than DIVORCE would come to mind. Unfortunately, I usually just stare off into space for unknown lengths of time before finally giving up.
I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Just this morning I knelt down to retrieve something from a lower cabinet… five minutes later I couldn’t remember why I was kneeling on the kitchen floor staring at a bunch of cleaning supplies. I do this at work, too. In between procrastinating and playing Diner Dash. Yes, I am really turning into one hell of a model employee.
But somehow, I’m coping. I haven’t cried in days and I’ve only felt that painful grip of panic a couple of times… which is a huge relief after feeling nothing but panic for weeks. I have a couple of theories.
One, the Prozac, of which my dosage was just recently increased, has kicked in and is having one hell of party in my brain.
Or two, this ridiculous hope I feel that The Husband and I will somehow reconcile and live happily ever after has taken the edge off of packing, moving most of my belongings into storage and taking up residence with my dad. Where I now share a room and bunk beds with my kid sister.
See, normally, this is where the fear and anxiety would come rushing in to wreak havoc on my emotions and my body’s ability to function at all, except… nothing. It has to be the prozac, right? Otherwise I’m just the dumb girl who doesn’t get it.
But I’ve thought about it and I’ve determined that while holding out hope for any sort of reconciliation is completely unhealthy, at least when reality does come crashing down around me, I’ll have already settled into a new home and a new “life” so maybe it won’t be quite so horrible when that hope I have such a tenuous grasp on is ripped away from me.
Anyone else buying this?
All right, I’m going to bed. Where I might possibly start reading Twilight again. (I’m totally entitled.)
Wake me when it’s April. I’ll be the one on the bottom bunk.