The last childless couple.

The Husband has two friends. Well, more than two, my little social butterfly, but these are the BFFs. Both are married. Just like us. Both have two children. Not just like us. The Husband and I are clearly behind in the Offspring Department and sometimes I wonder if we’re not the last childless couple on earth.

(I realize we’re not, but it’s possible we’re the last childless couple we know which is just as bad.)

Last night, the three couples and the four children gathered for a friendly dinner. And by “dinner” I mean The Husband and I ate while the other four adults shoveled in bites of food as they ran past the table in their mad dash to catch a screaming, hitting, and/or crying child.

I knew we were in for an “interesting” evening when our hostess (a genuinely nice and lovely person, really) made a comment that made me realize that their original plan was to only invite the other couple. Because they have kids. A.K.A. a mutual bond. I get it.

But, while I absolutely adore this woman and believe she feels the same, I couldn’t seem to prevent her innocent comment from making me feel inferior and ridiculously guilty. GUILTY. Because we don’t have children. HOW DARE US.

To be fair, it’s possible I’m being a bit overly sensitive as the topic of children is a bitter pill. One, I have my doubts that we’re biologically capable of procreating and two, even if that weren’t a concern, our relationship isn’t nearly as stable as it should be to start bringing extra people into the mix.

Plus we’re moving into a smaller place and I’m not sure it’s legal to have babies sleeping in cabinets even if it is a perfect fit.

Then there’s The Husband who, at thirty-eight, is the oldest of the three. I know it bothers him to be the oldest and most childless, but I can’t help the fact that he married a woman many years younger who happens to have plenty of childbearing years ahead of her and wouldn’t mind enjoying another 3-5 of them childless (there’s a lot to be said for doing WHATEVER YOU WANT). Or that the longevity of our relationship is still in question and, as a child of divorced parents, I’m not in any hurry to risk recreating that experience for one of my own. Yes, I know divorce can happen to anyone, anytime, no matter how dandy things may appear, but in our situation? The risk is just a bit too high at this time.

So, I’ve come to a conclusion.

We need to befriend more married, childless couples.

However, I don’t like people and purposely seeking them out to make friends? I like even less.

Maybe I could borrow a couple of kids on those rare occasions we’re asked over for a play date. That way I wouldn’t feel as if we were playing a game of “one of these things is not like the others.”

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19 Responses to The last childless couple.

  1. Teeter says:

    You can “borrow” 4 or 5 of mine!!!! 😉

  2. Teeter says:

    Oh and tell your hubby that those games he likes to watch aren't as much fun to watch when you can only catch about 5 minutes of them and then it's only to see everyone standing around during half time.

  3. your mother says:

    I vote for “doing whatever you want” for as long as possible. Once you have kids, you have no life. 🙂

  4. Debbie says:

    I'm with “Your Mother”….no rush, there is a lot to be said for doing whatever you want. I didn't have my first until I was 36….got most of the 'doing what I want' out of my system so I could enjoy the kids….although it is not as easy when you are older. 🙂

  5. Elizabeth says:

    We are available every weekend. Feel free to call me at 1-800-We-R-Freaks-Because-We-Don't-Have-Kids. If we're out having childless fun, please leave a message.PS: There are at least two of us such couples left on earth.

  6. Christine says:

    I'll choose my childless fun every time. But we are definitely in the minority. Once when my husband and I moved to FL (we aren't there anymore) our next door neighbor came over to say hi and introduce herself. When she found out we didn't have kids she said”Well we have NOTHING in common so I don't expect we'll see much of each other.” We still laugh about her and this was 9 years ago….

  7. kerryanne says:

    Oy. I'm a mommy and that kind of stuff annoys me. It's *healthy* to have time without your kids and to *not* talk about your kids and to *never ever* hint, insinuate or whatever that there is something wrong with people who don't have children. Judge, judge, judge. I hate it!Maybe it's because our path to parenthood was so incredibly difficult that it annoys me, too. Some of our married and childless friends are the most amazing people to our little guy. And when and if they have kids is not our business unless they want to share.

  8. LynneFtWorth says:

    We don't have kids either. We've been married 26 years and it just didn't happen. Different strokes for diffrent folks. That's what makes life fun.

  9. rory says:

    Me and Miss Carol decided years and decades ago not to have any children and its worked out really good for us.Whenever we want to get drunk and line dance in our thong bikinis we don't have to worry about any little kids laughing and pointing.

  10. MichelleSG says:

    Don't rush the mommy thing. Ever. OH, and most importantly never assume you can't have them biologically. I did that and ended up with one. Unexpectedly. And I wasn't even really dating the hubby then. And I was renting a room and sharing a house. Unstable much? That took a bit to work out but 8 years later we're good. And we kept the kid. And have more than a cabinet for her to sleep in. If it makes you feel any better we are the only people we know that have just 1 child. It is almost like not having one at all. Not kidding, we are such an abberation.

  11. Alias Mother says:

    I keep coming back to this…and then leaving again wordless.I get wanting childless fun. Hell, sometimes I wish I were childless so I could have childless fun again.But I also hate that I've been dropped by my childless friends.So I think this is a subject that I'm not able to comment on. Other than to say that you are welcome to borrow the Buddha any time you'd like. She's especially handy for when you'd like to silence the other people at the table by the use of a withering stare. It's her specialty.

  12. Jen says:

    We had the reverse problem: dropped by our childless friends after we had kids. I'd happily have you over any time, Stephanie. And I'd never nag you about having kids, just so long as you don't complain if Olive climbs onto your lap to steal food off your plate, and then thanks you in African click language.

  13. Kimberly says:

    I am childless @ 34. I've been involved with the same man for 6 years…I want a child of my own but for whatever reason just have never gotten around to it. None of our friends have kids & I guess we like it that way. And those friends of ours who have friends that have kids – when there is a party or gathering – it is noted – they are not child friendly.

  14. Emily says:

    We're a married, childless couple living in an apartment that is about 100 square feet. There's no room in the cabinet for a child, perhaps the bathroom sink? No, that's for the cat. I'm also a teacher, so I feel as I have 24 of my own anyway. Advice for those wanting to rush into motherhood? Try teaching – BEST. BIRTH CONTROL. EVER.Let's be friends.

  15. Fasten your seat belts. This happens a lot, and every time it suprises. My experience is, once you have kids (assuming one day you do) your friendships will still shift depending on the age of your kids. If your kids are younger, your friends with older kids will be focusing on other things. I had a good friend who has all but disappeared now that her oldest is in middle school (while mine are still in elementary). My friends with high schoolers might as well have moved to a different country. It sucks, but the upside is, you will find you make new friends at each phase. So keep stay in touch with your old friends, but keep shopping for some childless couples.

  16. Gayle says:

    Stephanie, I love your honesty and I think you are very smart! Everything changes when you have kids. You should do it when/if you feel ready for it. My husband and I were the only childless couple in our group of friends for a long time. It wasn't easy, but it sure felt good to not be the ones running after the screaming kids!

  17. your mother says:

    btw: You can have Justice and Tristan any time you want, lol.

  18. WebSavvyMom says:

    –>We have couples with kids over all the time but the best is when my brother/his wife who don't have children join us, they actually ENJOY having all the kids around and keep an eye on them. It gives the parents (read: ME) a break for a few minutes. You're always welcome at my house…plus we like to eat and

  19. onepot says:

    We were just at a party that solely consisted of work-downtown husbands, stay-at-home-vacant-eyed wives, and oodles of infants and toddlers. We stuck out like 2 sore thumbs. The husbands clearly felt uncomfortable when I tried joining one of their conversations (because those were for MEN! who work! in finance! and provide for their families!). And the wives were equally uncomfortable because they weren't quite sure what to make of this anomaly, moi, who does not go to their church (but, horrifyingly, goes to WORK!) and has not reproduced. At some point, a dude asked my husband and me whether our offspring was playing in the fluorescently lit basement along with the rest of the under-3 crowd; when we said that we had no children, he looked suddenly uncomfortable, perhaps assuming that he had just unearthed some horrific infertility issue. HA! We drained our drinks and slowly but surely worked our way toward the door.

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