One. My mom used to buy Halloween candy a month in advance. It didn’t take us very long to realize that it wasn’t really for Halloween.
Two. My older sister saved her candy for months afterward. I, naturally, ate all mine within the first forty-eight hours. And that’s being generous.
Three. The best part of Halloween (besides eating the goods, of course) was quite possibly The Candy Trade at the end of the night. My sister and I would dump our candy onto the floor and wheel and deal for hours. I’m not sure there was ever any point to it.
Four. In five years, The Husband and I have only had two trick-or-treaters.
Five. When The Husband gets optimistic about trick-or-treaters, he is only allowed to buy Candy Corn.
Six. Because the sight of Candy Corn makes me want to gag.
Seven. I think people who hand out fruit and individually wrapped bags of popcorn should be punched in the face.
Eight. The people who leave bowls of candy on their front porch are awesome only if you get there first. Otherwise, they’re total assholes.
Nine. I love browsing Halloween decorations. But I never buy them. And I never decorate.
Ten. The only costumes I can remember having dressed as include a spider, a jailbird, and a gang member when I was fourteen. I was a Blood and my best friend Jennie was a Crip. I don’t know why we found this so amusing. And most recently, at the office Halloween party, I dressed in normal clothes and called myself a civilian.
Because I’m kind of a scrooge.