Most of the time, I try to keep things around here relatively lighthearted. This is not going to be one of those times. (Fair warning and all.)
I’m in a funk, peeps. Have been for the last couple of weeks. And I have no idea what’s causing it or what to do about it.
I was happy. Totally, normally, happy and content. And then someone flipped a switch. At least, that’s the best way I can think to describe it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suddenly crying into my cheerios every morning and I recognize the fact that I have nothing, nothing, to be morose about.
It just feels as if I’m walking around with ten pound weights on each shoulder. Ten pounds ain’t much, I’ll grant you that. It’s just enough to make me want to stop and rest. (All effing day long.) Just enough to make me too tired and too sore to want to participate in anything extracurricular.
The only activities I’m interested in are reading, watching TV, and browsing the internet.
Take pictures? Not now.
Bake? Maybe later.
Everything else? Yawn.
On the other hand… watch six straight hours of True Blood? Spend two browsing YouTube? Read for four as soon as my eyes open? Those I can do. Those I’m happy to do.
Well, happy might be a stretch. Happy might take too much energy as of late.
And… I must admit… I’m especially irritable and impatient. An awesome combination while you’re trying to, oh, I don’t know, LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD.
I’ve tried baking. I hoped that doing something normal would stimulate me enough to get out of this funk. Halfway through a batch of chocolate chip cookies, I lost interest and put the dough in the fridge.
And God forbid anyone ask me to do something that might interrupt my plans of NOTHING. As soon as I start to hear a sentence or question that hints at such a thing, I start to shut down.
Go outside? Around people? But… but why??? I don’t want to! Why can’t you just let me stay inside and BE HAPPY!? You hate me, don’t you?
I don’t actually say the words out loud because I realize I might come across as, well, a crazy person… but I confess to having thought them once or twice in the last couple weeks.
I can hear you right now feeling sorry for my husband, don’t think I can’t. I’d feel sorry for him, too, but… too much energy and all that.
I feel like I should be able to tell myself to snap out of it, shrug it off, STOP BEING SUCH A DOWNER…
I’d rather watch a movie and have a bowl of ice cream.