After this post, I fully plan on making all the necessary effort to get “back to normal.” (Whatever that means.) But, before I do that, I feel the pressing need to clarify something. I’ve been trying to let this go, but… here’s the thing… this is my blog. My eHome away from home, so to speak. This is where I come to vent, rage, laugh, cry, tell stupid stories, share pictures, etc. This is where I feel most comfortable doing so.
I realize that by sharing all the sordid details of my life on the WWW and by allowing comments from you strange people (she said with love), I’ve opened myself up to all sorts of criticism… but it’s still my little place in universe. And it’s really chapping my hide that some people might be under the wrong impression.
So, maybe this little nugget of information I’m about to share won’t change your opinion, but it’ll make me feel better that there are no longer any misunderstandings. (It’s just something I need to do.)
What I found on The Husband’s phone on Tuesday was brand spankin’ new… To me. Yes, it was dated in February and March, but I just found it. And it opened my eyes to a piece of his relationship with another woman that I never knew existed. It rocked me to the core.
If we hadn’t recently recommitted to giving this marriage our best effort, what I found could have seen our relationship down a very different course.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to be shaken by something that, despite having occurred in the (recent) past, is probably the worst thing (aside from actually having sex with her) that I could have discovered.
Think about it. If you came to find out that your spouse had been involved in a very inappropriate relationship with another person (a person they swore up and down was just a friend) weeks, months, or even a year ago, would you be okay with that? Because it was “in the past?”
That doesn’t work for me. Especially knowing that this is a woman I’ve had… uncomfortable… feelings about since day one. I’ve never met her and I could never explain why my husband’s friendship with her bothered me so much as I’ve never been the jealous, suspicious, or possessive type (actually, I may just be too gullible for my own good. I mean, shit. When he said they were “just friends,” I believed him. Every. Single. Time.) … but I couldn’t help those feelings.
I’m not the type to hold grudges, either. I’m much too happy a person, believe it or not (please try to see past the sarcasm, pessimism, and all those other negative “isms”), to sit around dwelling on what happened then.
But this is a very new and very fresh wound that’s been inflicted upon me. I’ll recover (each day gets easier), but it’ll take time. Don’t worry… Cookies will be made. Pictures will be taken. Posts will be written. Have faith. I’ll get there.
I just couldn’t sit back and let you think I was moping around and obsessing about things I’ve already come to terms with. Nope, I’m just moping and obsessing about the new stuff.
Now that I’ve cleared that up, I pose a question to you. Put yourself in my shoes (as much as you can without knowing every single gory detail). Your spouse, in an effort to make up for what’s happened, brings you a present. A very expensive present. A very expensive present that you’ve been wanting for a very long time.
Would you accept it… and why? Or why not?
I’ve already decided, but I can’t wait to
hear read your responses.