And now I have no readers.

Last week, I finally convinced the Husband that we could not go on living without a new bed. We need a new bed. It’s crucial to our marriage that we have a new bed. Like yesterday.

Because if I have to wake up throughout the night to feel him moving all about, I’m going to kill one of us and it’s not going to be me.

The Husband tosses and turns throughout the night. I feel every single toss and turn. If he so much as lifts his arm to increase the volume on the television, I feel it.

So, not only has he disturbed me by moving, the jerk, but now I can clearly hear Kelly and Brenda snapping at each other on reruns of Beverly Hills 90210.

Yes, my husband watches reruns on Beverly Hills 90210. I didn’t know this when I married him, I swear.

Once I convinced him of our need for a new bed, then began the search for a new bed. And maybe it’s the economy, but those sales people? They’ve become real vultures. Two nearly collided in their rush to be the first to greet us. One woman thought “we’re not going to buy until after the holidays” meant “we’ll take it” and had a bill ready in 30 seconds flat. As soon as she turned away to answer the phone, we bolted.

I dragged J to one store with me on Monday. The lady who helped us was very nice. She gave us some information and then left us alone to bounce around from one bed to the next. Since I’m looking for a rock bed that doesn’t move AT ALL, there was a lot of lying down, closing my eyes, and telling her, “Okay, now get on and let me see if I can feel you.”

I felt her 98% of the time, but a lot less than what I’d feel if we were on my old piece of shit at home, which is now how I refer to my bed. The bed that I loved once upon a time. Because it was so pretty. Piece of shit.

I’ve narrowed it down to two. Only one of which the Husband has tried. Both are out of our price range.

Despite my terrible spending habits (I can make small, meaningless purchases with my eyes closed) large purchases (such as this) take me a year. Which means that this is what I’ll be talking about for the next year. Sounds like good fun, right?

Right??

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