I love Halloween. I do not love candy corn.

I don’t know when the hatred for this wax-coated candy started, or why, but all I can say is… the sight of candy corn, the smell of it, even saying “candy corn” makes me want to… well, gag.

But something about this gourmet-flavored candy corn I found on display at Target intrigued me. Or made me want to vomit. Sometimes I just can’t tell the difference.

Toasted S’mores, my ass. As soon as the bag was opened, all I could smell was maple syrup. Now, I’m a fan of maple syrup. While the Husband and I spent a couple days in Vermont last year, we stopped at this maple… farm? Anyway, we stocked up on maple everything and I could have happily walked away with the entire selection of maple fudge. Holy shit, that was delicious.

(Note to self: plan return trip to Vermont ASAP.)

And I didn’t even finish it. As soon as I swallowed that waxy, grainy tip of concentrated sugar, my throat swelled shut, my eyeballs fell out of their sockets and I perished on the spot.

Okay, that’s only a slight exaggeration. Let’s just say I should have followed my instincts. My instincts that have told me for years that candy corn is the devil.

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