Standing on your feet for eight hours is brutal.
Standing on your feet for more than one is brutal.
Okay, don’t be a baby.
My back aches. I’m getting old.
But not as old as my husband. Thank God.
Shit. Jon’s birthday is on Saturday.
I can’t believe he wants a cake instead of cake balls. I mean, bites. Cake bites.
Mmmm. Cake.
I haven’t baked anything in a long time.
I wish I didn’t feel so overwhelmed lately.
Didn’t I take this job so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed?
I wonder if I’ll be laid off.
I wonder if I’ll be fired for blogging.
I wish I was a better writer.
I wish I didn’t feel like I ran out of things to say as soon as I moved to WordPress.
I wish I was better at making people feel better.
I’m too sensitive.
I get it from my mother.
My mother, who acted as if I’d just kicked a puppy, when I said I didn’t enjoy sailing.
Actually, I didn’t even say I didn’t enjoy sailing.
But I suppose it was pretty obvious when I kept saying “maybe” and “we’ll see” when she asked if I’d go again.
I can’t believe she bought a boat.
I got seasick.
I didn’t think I was prone to seasickness.
I guess it only makes sense. I get carsick all the time.
But I’ve been on boats before and never felt sick.
Well, not sailboats.
Fuck, that thing bounced around a lot.
If I’m getting on a boat again, I’d rather it be on a lake.
I wonder if we’ll ever move to Minnesota.
We could buy a house in Minnesota.
God, we’ll never be able to afford a house in California.
And we’re about to go into so much debt getting Jon’s teeth fixed. Repaired. Replaced.
I need to make a dentist appointment.
And a counseling appointment.
I wish there were never any awkward moments.
Sometimes my life feels like one big awkward moment.
Like today, when I accidentally referred to my male boss as a “mom.” You stupid idiot.
Well, he kind of acts like a woman.
I will totally be fired for this.
As long as I’m making as much as Dooce when the time comes.
Oh wait. Ads. WordPress. Maybe not.
Why does it bother me so much that I’m no longer running BlogHer ads?
Who really flippin’ cares?
The money it would cost to be able to run ads on the blog would far outweigh that which I’d earn.
That’s just dumb.
Why is it so important to me to feel as if I belong?
I wish I didn’t like candy so much.
Seriously, I wish I didn’t.
Being able to cross ‘my weight’ off the list of things to worry about would be a tremendous relief.
I’m hungry.
Filed under: Random Bits and Pieces
Time to re-assess your life. Time also to do things that make you feel like you. Not necessarily the things you most enjoy (although it would be nice) but things that help you define yourself as you. You don’t have to like sailing just because your mom bought a boat. Really. I’m the queen of motion sick and nausea just isn’t fun. Period. If your mom doesn’t understand that maybe you need to communicate it better. Like puke up on her boat.
Oh, Stephanie, this is about how much stuff goes through my mind in a few minutes, too. What can I say, this too shall pass, tomorrow will be better, all those annoying sayings that mean nothing when you’re feeling bad. I’m sending hugs through the internet to you.
It’s so nice to hear someone else’s brain running… mine is so loud sometimes!
I only have one thing to offer – so cross the worry about your weight off of your list. No one said you have to worry about your weight. If you like, I can ask my mom to worry about your weight as well as mine and her own…worrying about weight seems to be her favorite pastime so I’m sure she’d be happy to add you to the list.
I think everyone feels a strong sense of needing to belong. I know I do. But it’s what you do about that makes a difference. And just remember some days will be better than others.
so honest and so refreshing. thank you.
Hi. It’s been a while. I haven’t been able to comment for weeks now. I would get a truly “from the heart” comment written down and then the computer wouldn’t let me post it
I just wanted to say how much I love the fact that you wrote this exactly how I think. You made me laugh when you wrote about calling your boss “mom”. But only because I do awkwardly embarrassing stuff like that all the time. It’s kinda nice to know other people do it to… I think being a dork is lovable. Mmm cake balls! heeheehee. Oh and by the way about the sensitive part… I cry almost everyday…why? no clue. My life’s not all that bad. It’s like I look for things to be upset about. uugghh I hate that about myself. And I seriously think I have some sort of condition that makes too many tears.
-L
How did I miss this post? I love it! And I’m hungry too. But I really don’t like cooking food, but I love baking!
a) I don’t really know anything about ads and websites and blogging revenue, but I’m sure if you wanted to then you could make it work.
b) You’d be surprised about the house in California thing. We thought for sure we’d never be able to buy a place here. We bought when the market crashed and even though we’re stretched TIGHT – and by TIGHT what I mean is “there is no wiggle room in this budget, oh my goodness,” – it’s worth it to be near family and friends. You never know when you’ll be able to do something you never thought you’d achieve, so don’t give up yet =)
c) I’m hungry too.
Yummy! I have a blog about chocolate